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  • 執筆者の写真Yuko

3.7. I am the reed


My higher self tested me - Part 4



On the weekend, I was walking along the swamp with my dog Inca. I found the new spot for meditation, where I can look over the water surface and feel pleasant breeze under the warm spring sun. There were some reeds on the shoreline which provided me with a sort of protection against something unknown..... 


While I sat crossing my legs in lotus between reeds, I closed my eyes, and then, two sayings were resonating in my head, so called the meditative wonder space. 

“The green reed that bends in the wind is stronger than the mighty oak that breaks in a storm."
“A reed before the wind lives on, while mighty oaks do fall." 

The fist one, I think, if my memory was right, comes from the Chinese philosopher Confucius and the second from Aesop. Both highlights the idea of flexibility and adaptability as key to survival and success, emphasising the strength of resilience in the face of challenges. 


I imagined that I was the reed that was meditating. I was standing in the mad on the border of water and the land. I was thin, but flexible. I was born far from here and different, but I was adapted to lice here. So, I am adaptable.


I was doing “只管打坐, Shikantaza” as the reed.  


Then, natural resilience rises in me. This is me, which was probably very close to the soul infused personality. It might be like a merely reed. I had imagined that the soul infused personality must be mighty like a oak. But it is not. I thought... I might just..get it now.....


I have been lost in the process of grounding all sub-personalities and send up to fuse with the Soul. I took almost 6 days. As Satchi warmed me, I was expected it would not be easy. But the situation was a bit different than I expected. It seemed the opposite. I was so free to go everywhere and do everything in any timeline. It was like floating inside a kaleidoscope. The timeline turned into the kaleidoscope which was easy to be lost and lose strength.


Furthermore, this kaleidoscope was massive and kept changing its shapes with every turn my sub-personality moved. It was illusion.


Let me explain shortly. Satchi. I might need your advice. 


Since I returned to the place, where the flying tapestry and three of my sub-personalities awaited, I had meditated for a week. I couldn't ground any of my sub-personalities. I was lost in meditation. Of course, I followed the checklist and made well set-up.


But it is possible that people could lost with maps. right?  


I did below:



I went back to the moment when I found the temple which was on Dec 27, 2022 in my timeline. It was easy to find because the timestamp was sticked at that moment. Because, I guess, I wrote about it. The moment I was meditating was sparkling. So, I dived into the timestamp, when I from the past was meditating. 


Before this meditation I carefully read my review which I exactly wrote what I experienced on Dec 27, 2022. Interestingly, I felt strange feelings from my past writing, which means my past meditation. Intuitively, I knew that I was manipulated by my sub-personalities. I had been urged to be positive too much.  


I wrote on Dec 27, 2022: “I went up to the top of Antahkarana with Maitreya. I touched the gemstone with my or his right palm covered by an orange hot spring which came from Shakti.”


Yes, I was in this scene on the timeline. But the scene was not only one. It was hard to explain that the scenes were like the kaleidoscope. When the viewer looks through the eyepiece of the kaleidoscope and rotates the tube, the objects inside create intricate and symmetrical patterns that change with each turn, creating a beautiful and mesmerising display of colours and shapes. 


There were several versions of this scene. Each scene has a string attached. 


I followed the string. It connected to my sub-personality. Suddenly, I was surrounded by sub-personalities. They were more than three. Three of them were shining gold. They might be the three sub-personalities with whom I traveled on the flying tapestry. 


According to the checklist,



So, I asked them. They remained silence. Instead, they started to move around me. The kaleidoscope-like-surroundings started moving like a merry-go-around. I was trapped and I could not go back to that temple, where the flying tapestry was waiting.


All sub-personalities have strings to connecting to each version of this scene. It was the proof that sub-personalities influenced and manipulating me, even meditation. That was why I felt mixture of feelings when I read my review.


If they wound’t tell me anything, I must try to feel them. How?


So, I focused on breathing and aligned my spine again to receive more energy from universe and the center of the Earth. I recharged the infinite golden sphere protections and I compressed the infinite spheres to the thinness of a razor blade with my palms. I placed it outside of my meditative space. I cloned it 3 times and placed them on the verge of my meditative space. Satchi, I built the construct protection following your instruction. 


With the power of the construct protection, I increased the connection from the lower to higher chakras in Antahkarana. It was my Antahkarana and also was my sub-personalities’ one. Through it, I connected to my sub-personalities of the moment of the meditation on Dec 27 in 2022.


Suddenly, mixture of emotions and thoughts were rising in me. Strings attached to each sub-personality tangled me. My heart beats vibrated into the strings and shook sub-personalities. Then it shook the water in the bottom of my subconscious mind. Now Antahkarana linked everything, as if we all shared the same Antahkarana.  


What should I do now? I was confused, but I don’t want to open my eyes. I must do something. The checklist popped up. 



I consciously breathed slowly and deeply. I tasted each breath as if I was drinking a cold, delicious golden smoothy. The coldness went through my throat chakra, and at the same time I applied the 7 step process on the mixture of emotions and thoughts in conscious and unconscious mind which was clogged in my throat chakra. Finally, the equanimity arrived in my throat chakra. 


Then next, the coldness went through my heart chakra. I was about to apply the 7 step process to my confused heart. But I couldn’t cut this confusion in circle. Because it was so large that I could not see the end. 


How formidable were sub-personalities! It was like a dark rough ocean. Sub-personalities had lived in this dark ocean for ages. Can I ground this huge bottomless ocean? How?


Wait a minute! I built the construct protection. So, the end of this black ocean must be attached the construct protection. Yes, I could imagine the four thin blades of the construct protections. That means I could cut this black ocean in circle. If I could, I can ground it.


I use light from the third eye toward the construct protection. The energy from my third eye projected the shape of Maitreya, the future Buddha. The beautiful delicate figure of Maitreya was floating on the black ocean. I met him in the meditation in Dec 27 in 2022. 


In the country I was born and raised, most of young students leant about this stature of Meitreya which is called “Miroku Bosatsu” in Japanese. This statue typically depicts Maitreya in a seated position with one leg crossed over the other, symbolising meditation and deep contemplation.


I am not a religious person. So, I was wandering why I saw Meitreya in meditation again.


Being deep In contemplation, I received message from Meitreya. He suggested that I should ground him with the qualities of loving-kindness and compassion that Maitreya represents. He continued that I should have grounded him in Dec 27 in 2022. 


So, I cut him in circle with my spiritual sword which Satchi taught me to create in the very first meditation I had in my life. (I drew it in my notebook in 2006.) I grounded him into the centre of the earth through this black ocean and applied the 7 step process thoroughly. I knew that it was very important process.


After finishing grounding him, a shining creature appeared and jumped into this black bottom less ocean in my heart. Then, it turned into a bright shining ocean and flew into the centre of the earth. 


I applied the 7-step process to this bright shining ocean. In the step two, I saw the temple and monks as minions!! They were blockages!! The huge temple which I believed a part of my Antahkarana was an illusion. I grounded them into the centre of the earth and completed the 7 step process. 


There was complete emptiness before me. All visions had gone.


I opened my eyes. 


Then, I’ve been meditating in this emptiness for 6 days. I couldn't see any vision, neither meet any sub-personalities since then.


As for visions, I had only two strange dreams during these 6 days.


Firstly, I was in the wedding. I got remarried to my ex-husband. I walked while holding his arm and I regretted that I wouldn't have freedom again. So, I told him I wouldn't get remarried.


Secondly, I told people whom I lived with that I would leave. They were a man and a woman. I was nervous to tell this truth. But I finally did so.



Today was the 7th day. I was sitting in the middle of reeds on the shore of the swamp. I was meditating in the emptiness as a merely thin reed. Surprisingly, this idea gave me something different. 


Slowly, under the gentle sun with early spring breeze, I remembered this temperature. I wrote a short poem in early spring in 2021. I named it the KIOSK. Then, I started writing until now. I was at the starting point of my meditation journey now.


I wrote,

It was the first time someone woke me up in my dream. It was a pure white space before me. Suddenly, the early spring breeze blew. As I felt it on my cheeks, I remembered something. This wind also told me that my sadness had ended. A year has passed since that tragic day. Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my mother's death.

Then, there was a platform in front of me. White, of course. I saw the word KIOSK. I saw it, or maybe I felt it. Because it was written in white.


The wind tickles my hair. It tickled something in me. Then, something poked its head out of the swamp of my subconscious and breathed.


Now, I was in this scene when I wrote the KIOSK in March 2, 2021.


"A KIOSK is a small shop that stands on the border between light and darkness."


Two rails appeared. How can I see white things in white space?


In Japan, small but vital daily necessities are sold in KIOSK on the railroad tracks.


The train arrived. It was white.

A flood of white people on a narrow white platform. The KIOSK is exactly like an islet in white.


Those who are thirsty, those who are hungry, those who have forgotten.

Each is attracted to the KIOSK.

It's like a magnet.


The magnet attract all kinds of people, each experiencing light and darkness.

It drew my mother. She was white like a dead person.


The magnet attracts a memory that was dormant deep within me.  

When I was a child, I saw the darkness hidden in my beloved mother.

After returning from the violin lesson, my mother bought me orange juice.

While waiting for my mother, men came in strange clothes that I had never seen before. They were laughing loudly and unobtrusively.


They looked at me and smiled. I also smiled back.

 

At that time, my mother called me.

An iron-like voice she used for scolding me.

This tone was so cold and scary that I was like a frog stared at by a snake.

 

“Don't talk to those people.”

The voice of my mother in cold armour is always unreasonable.

 

“Who is that person?”

“The person who does the construction.

The person who builds the building.”

“Why can't I talk to them?”

“If you don't study, you'll be like that.”

 

My mother no longer responds.

As usual.


I didn't have a sword that could stand against my beloved mother's armour.


But I have it now. Even, I have trained how to use it correctly in Kendo practice as well as meditations.


I cut the armour which my mother wore with my spiritual sword. I removed her darkness. Surprisingly, it was rooted deeper in me. My mother put blockages in me and I kept them as her love. I removed all with the seven step process.


Then, another armour appeared before me. It was the armour which monks created for me in the temple in December 27 in 2022. I intuitively knew that.


I put on many layers of armours as well as on my sub-personalities'. I must took off armours instead of protecting myself and sub-personalities. So, I took off the armours and applied the seven step process one by one until no more armours appeared before me.


I stood on the border between light and darkness like the reed standing between water and the land.


I was the reed that just realised...

I used to be too eager to be good.

I used to be too eager to be critical.

I used to be too eager to be judgemental.

I used to be too eager to be better than others.

I used to be too eager to be special.


But I was not like that anymore.


I was the reed that enjoyed harmony. Then, the checklist appeared.

And I checked it out. Because I did it.



I opened my eyes. The sun was set. I meditated for such a long time.






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